My miscarriage journey

I don’t know what to do.

We went to see a specialist.

My egg count, it’s on the low side of normal.

And miscarriage is something neither of us want to do again.

‘In your age, with numbers like these, we might look at a procedure – a kind of gentle stimulation,” the specialist said.

But first, tests:

A mammogram. A Pap smear. A swab to check for viruses, and a blood test to recheck my fertility numbers.

‘Do you bloat?’ The doctor asked.

‘All the time.’

Gluten allergies can impact miscarriages.

So today, I did a test for that too.

I feel thankful, in a way.

Thankful that the Italian took me in his arms and held me close, saying even if we never had children, he would love me all the same.

Thankful I have medical care like this in Italy.

Thankful.

But still, conflicted.

Because I never imagined my pregnancy

Would come at the end of needIes and tests.

Eventually, Nicco and I, we are going to have to make a decision:

Try again naturally;

Or move forward with the procedure.

And right now, in this moment,

I don’t know, we don’t quite know, what to do.